momma mommy bwuh

Raising boys is no easy feat—it’s definitely not for the faint of heart.

Boy1 is mostly nonverbal and communicates primarily through physical gestures. This means that when he wants attention, he might tap someone’s shoulder, arm, or back. Sometimes it’s a gentle tap, other times it’s an enthusiastic slap. While I understand where this behavior is coming from, I don’t condone it. It may seem harsh, but this method of communication has been overgeneralized to the point where Boy1 believes it’s always acceptable to touch others. It’s not. Everyone, especially kids, deserves their personal space.

This has been an ongoing challenge this school year. Boy1 has been putting his hands on other children in various ways, often as a form of communication. Adults usually understand this, but other kids often don’t, which leads to complaints to teachers and parents. We’re working on teaching alternative behaviors using his communication device, a low-tech lanyard, gestures, and more. It’s a work in progress, and undoing years of learned behavior is tough, especially when some of it is still occasionally reinforced.

On top of this, I receive frequent updates about their interactions. Boy1 hits this kid, Boy2 pinches that kid. One day, Boy1 came home with a literal red slap mark on his face (without an accompanying adult report). Boy2 complained about being stepped on during PE (again, no adult report). It’s a lot to handle. Kids will be kids, right? Boys will be boys? This is normal, isn’t it?

I remember when the boys first came to live with us. Although they are biological siblings, they hadn’t lived together for over two years and their interactions were rough. They pinched, pushed, kicked, hit, and slapped each other. I reported these incidents to their caseworker as instructed, but the frequency of reports became overwhelming. I eventually asked if I needed to document every single instance of their skirmishes. They are brothers, they’re adjusting to living together, and they’re learning a new dynamic in a new home. It’s bound to be a bit wild, right? Right.

As they grow older and bigger, it’ll be interesting to see how things evolve.

We are committed to raising our boys to be gentlemen. While some roughhousing is normal, we want them to understand that there’s a time and place for it—and that consent is key. That’s what differentiates playful behavior from being unkind. I’ll be sharing more about this topic in future posts—some really helpful and interesting insights that I hope will shed light on managing these challenges.

Featured image courtesy of Deposit Photos artist interactimages.