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Boy1 has a habit of over-touching. It’s not out of malice—though he can become aggressive when frustrated—but rather from his reliance on physical touch as a means of communication. He’s grown so accustomed to reaching out to others that it’s become a bit too second nature.

To address this, we’ve been working with him on keeping his hands to himself and using his communication device. We’re also having conversations about what constitutes appropriate and inappropriate touch, emphasizing the importance of consent for any type of touch, even if it’s meant to be friendly. These lessons are just as crucial for Boy2; understanding consent helps children protect themselves and fosters respectful interactions with friends and classmates.

So, how do we teach something as nuanced as consent to a 7 and 8-year-old? It’s all about making it relatable:

“Your body is YOUR body. No one should touch you if you don’t want them to. Any part of your body that’s covered by your bathing suit or clothes is private and should remain private. You don’t have to allow anyone to touch you in ways that make you uncomfortable.”

“You can enjoy being hugged and kissed, or you can prefer not to. Other people have their own preferences too.”

“If you’re not sure if a friend wants a hug, just ask them.”

For example:
“Hey, friend, can I give you a hug?”
“No, I don’t like hugs, but I do like high fives.”
“Great, high fives it is!”

“If someone says no, respect their answer. The same rule applies to kisses, tickles, holding hands, and all types of touch. You can say no too.”

“And this applies to grown-ups as well. If you don’t want to give a hug or a kiss to an adult, it’s perfectly okay to say no.”

Teaching children to advocate for themselves with adults is especially important. Often, kids feel pressured to comply with grown-ups, which can lead to uncomfortable situations. It’s vital to empower them to stand up for their own boundaries and bodies.

“Your body is your body, and no one should touch it without your permission. Everyone else’s bodies are theirs, and the same rule applies.”

If someone asks, “Why not?” the answer is simple:

“BECAUSE IT’S MY BODY!”

I remember a book from my nannying days, possibly called “Because It’s My Body.” The child in the story would respond with “because it’s my body” whenever asked why they said no. By the end, the kids were proudly shouting “BECAUSE IT’S MY BODY” alongside the book’s child.

To support Boy1’s learning journey, we’ve added a “Can I have a hug?” button to his communication device. This tool helps him express affection appropriately while also respecting others’ boundaries. Teaching him to ask for permission and accept a “no” will not only help him interact more considerately but also learn to advocate for himself in a respectful manner.

How do you approach teaching consent to your children? I’d love to hear your strategies and experiences!self?

Featured image courtesy of Deposit Photos artist sbego.