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Something we don’t always talk about—whether we’re living as special needs parents ourselves or supporting friends who are—is that many of us are also raising kids with typical needs. Our identity isn’t only “special needs parent”; it’s one of many hats we wear. And with that comes the responsibility of meeting the needs of all our children, which can sometimes feel like a delicate balancing act.

This hit me the other day while sitting with Boy2 at the dentist. He was lying flat on the chair, unusually still, eyes fixed on the ceiling-mounted TV playing Ice Age. As I watched him, my mind flashed back to a different setting not long ago—sitting with Boy1 at the neurologist’s office. The view was similar, but the appointments couldn’t have been more different. In that moment, I was reminded: Boy2 has needs, too. He needs his mom and dad just as much as his brother does, even if the reasons are different.

We’ve never failed to provide for Boy2—his cup is always full. But his fierce independence makes it easy (and sometimes necessary) to focus more of our mental energy on Boy1. Often, Boy2 steps into that “big brother” role, even though he’s younger, simply because he can… and he’s so good at it.

But he also deserves the same presence, attention, and intentional care.

What about you? How do you make sure your children who are not special needs feel just as seen, valued, and special?